British English vs Malaysian English Made Simple

British English vs Malaysian English 

Who says our English is lousy? 

Just see below - ours are simple, short, precise, straight-to-point, effective, etc.

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry, Sir. We don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you. 

Malaysians : No Stock.

RETURNING A CALL
Britons        : Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians :Allo, who page?

ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY .
Britons        :  Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?
Malaysians : S-kew me

WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons        : Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians : (pointing the door) can enter ar?

WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons        : I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
Malaysians :Don't want la...

IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons        :  Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from but I really have to disagree with what you said about the  issue.
Malaysians :You mad & crazy, ah?

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE.
Britons        :  Excuse me, but could you please ! lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians : Oi! Shut up lah!

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU.
Britons        :  Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time.. Do I know you?
Malaysians :See what, see what, ah?

WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION.
Britons        : We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.
Malaysians :Die-lah!!

WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons        :  Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Malaysians :What happen?! Why like that one?! 

WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
Britons        : Would you mind not disturbing me?
Malaysians :CILAKAK!!!